Thursday, July 1, 2010

Appreciating the Babes..

Just appreciating the beauty that is James Dean/James Franco. 

Of any person he could have ended up looking like, we are so lucky it was James Dean. (:

Also, i really love these protesting photos of  Mark Rudd..great. The sixties were great: 

Also, R.I.P. River Phoenix:

Monday, June 28, 2010

Opinion Versus..?

I love reading Perez but as i was going through today, i linked to some different blogs & websites. It's always been a pet peeve of mine when people fight on the internet. Whether it be through your own social networking, or if you go to the lowest of lows & fight people you don't know at all on forums or whatever it is. It's just the stupidest thing i've ever seen. Who has the time, or the aggression or the nerve to try & pick fights on the internet left & right? These people must crave massive attention or something. Plus they're talking about people and things they personally know absolutely nothing about. They just make petty comments or are blatantly rude simply to cause a reaction from the other posters. It's SO DUMB. I mean it's not even entertainment for me to read the arguments, i used to think they were hilarious, but now it's just obnoxious and makes me feel like i'm losing brain cells with every post. But now that's i've dwelt on the subject a little longer today, it's almost difficult to read Perez!! I think celeb news is fairly interesting, just because it's usually kind of outrageous, but i don't read that shit because i care at all about people i don't even know. Yes these people are in magazines and movies and music, but GUESS WHAT, if it wasn't them, it would be someone else. All of these people are someone somebody else knows. Somebody's child, someone's best friend, someone's classmate, colleague, the person in line in front of you at the store. I mean, they're just ANYONE. I guess this is somewhat hypocritical, considering my previous post of "celebrity's" i love. But, my reasoning is this, i'm not OBSESSED with any of them. I don't follow their every move, unless of course i'm following tour dates for a band i love. But comedians, what do they do? They use their real talent of being able to naturally put a smile on peoples faces with ease. Not all comedians are funny, but the ones that are, that's talent. But guess what, they're still just another funny friend at a party. They got awesome connections & they're so lucky they get to tell jokes for a living, but it's the luck of the draw. It's the passion and the work they put forth. Musicians, musicians change lives. At least in my opinion. Music is spiritual and it honestly i don't know what i would do without it. That's why i love certain musicians, they've made music that's tapped into my heart and my soul and my memory and attached itself to my real life emotions and adventures and people. It BECOMES a part of you. And for that i admire amazing musicians. But obsess? No, i don't care what they do with their private lives, i don't care who they're talking to, i don't care what they wore or the fact that they go to the grocery store "JUST LIKE US!". Is that a joke? Of course they're just like us, they're human beings. They are "Just us". They're everybody, they're anybody, they're nobody. The elite status of a celebrity doesn't make them super human, it makes them a public profile with more money than most and a ridiculously busy schedule. It's work. That's their job. That is what they do. Doctors also work hard, they save lives daily, they worked their asses off in years of school studying and memorizing and putting in countless hours to help people who can't help themselves. Do you follow doctors around with cameras and tell everyone else how much they're "JUST LIKE US!"? No, no one does. Except MJ's doctor who they're trying to claim is a murderer. Why does everything have to be a scandal? Why are people so ridiculously entertained by other peoples drama? Do you ever wonder how much it would suck to be involved in some of these situations? All people do is give their unimportant commentary about someone they don't know & probably won't ever & they think they're word is like the bible or something. It's not! You're gossiping, you're gossiping like you would in high school. You're spreading rumors about someone you heard something about one time & it sounded interesting to you so you thought you'd share it with everybody else because you have nothing of importance to say about yourself and your own life. It's crazy to me that behavior like this is not only completely acceptable but that it's the social norm to do so. The media is an important part of life today & is so helpful on so many levels. Getting the news to the people all over the world, sharing knowledge & information that people have the right to know. But at the same time, a good 50% AT LEAST of what's on television is just complete crap. Cameras following the lives of the privileged as they continue to be privileged and get paid to do so while contributing nothing to society at all except for warped self images, feelings of inadequacy and a demented sense of reality. Hollywood is an absolute joke. The concept of celebrity is an absolute joke. Do you think these people like having people come up to them and scream and cry and stutter & pee their pants because they can't believe "IT'S YOU!!". How old would that get? You wouldn't be able to meet people anywhere who could just say hi like you're any other stranger willing to strike up a conversation except for famewhores & people who just really don't care and see them as another regular person (which they ARE). You would be living in a world of constant greedy backstabbers. It makes the things in life that are already difficult, even more so. Finding a boyfriend/girlfriend, finding a friend, period, trying to go anywhere in private or do a simply daily task like going to get food or take a walk without being followed by cameras or seeing a crowd of people waiting for you. It's just really disgusting to me. I don't understand how so many millions of people in the world can follow along with it just because that's what they're supposed to do. How do you now see any sense of an invasion, or feel like a fucking creep. You don't facebook stalk people you know from school or admire for one reason or another & then talk about them with your friends like you're ACTUALLY friends & tell everyone about what he or she is doing. No, because that's not normal and everyone would think you were a psychopath. So i don't know. It's just really been bothering me a lot lately. That not only people & society do this PERIOD, but that people actually waste their time arguing for or against people they actually know nothing about in real life & people that don't know them & really don't care at all what they have to say. Or shouldn't care at all. I'm sure there are a lot of celebrities who love fame, but there are also actors who really just love to act & musicians who love the music. & comedians who live for the comedy. They got into these trades because they can make a career out of doing what they love to do, they didn't ask for the criticism or fan base of the entire world. They make movies & music & jokes to entertain. Their lives are not the show. I don't see how so many people fail to see the distinction. 


Thursday, June 17, 2010

Fa Sheezy Fa Sho

Obsessed with this song right now: 


Tuesday, June 15, 2010


"I do believe, that there is no more tricks up my sleeve." Today is good, lately is good. I was reading through my older posts & i actually found them pretty insightful. At least to me, which is why i write this. But i give myself a pat on the back for my creative writing. Anyways, in one of my earliest posts i said something about how i want, no NEED to go to Africa for some sort of humanitarian project. Weeeeeellll....
Drum Roll Please....

I'M GOING TO ECUADOR!!! I leave July 29th & i'll be gone until October 12th. I am so excited for this opportunity. I got my official application acceptance letter last week. Letting me know when all my payments need to be made & that my travel plans are in the works. I honestly cannot believe this is real yet. I'm going to be working in an orphanage run by the Catholic Nuns in Ecuador for that 2 1/2 months. Basically you just go & give the children the company and lessons that they wouldn't get otherwise since they're either orphans by tragedy or abandonment (which is of course still a tragedy but you know what i mean). Just loving them & trying to teach them the basics that they need to grow up and be productive and able-minded. It's going to be such a humbling experience. Honestly life changing and i cannot wait to allow it to change mine. I'm so ready for a completely new situation. It's what i've been craving for months on end and i know had i know branched away from the people i once clung too & really been on my own i would have never done it. You can't grow when you have a parasite sucking the life from you every second of the day. That's what you were. A parasite to my life & my well being. But that's not the point. The point is Ecuador and the lives that are going to change mine everyday. I'm worried about the cultural differences and the rules there, just worried i mess up & insult someone on accident or somehow get myself into a dangerous situation. But i know as long as i follow the OSSO rules i will be fine. They've had hundreds of volunteers in & out of the country in the last twenty years. I'll just be another. Another thing i'm excited for is that my parents will be flying out the 8th of October when i finish my term & we get to go on a 4 day 3 night trip through the Amazon rain forest. It will be completely mind-blowing. I honestly have zero expectations for this entire trip because i know i cannot even fathom the extent of how beautiful, different, scary, amazing, and moving it will all be. I'm so lucky to be able to do this i really can't even begin to express it. 

Also, i haven't written about this, but when i fly back into the states my adorable tiny-with-a-huge-belly sister will have had her baby Avery Jade Ham the month before. So i think our plans are to fly directly into California so i can see baby Avery for the first time. (: How amazing. I'm so proud of my sister. She's honestly led such a picture perfect life and has always been completely herself & stood for her values & has so much drive and passion. It's so great to see. She's so happy & she deserves it more than anyone i know, besides my parents, who basically deserve the world. But i'm excited to meet Avery & i'm excited to meet all the other children in Ecuador that i'll come to love and miss once i leave. 


Friday, May 21, 2010

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Like The Memory Of My Nigga Biggie, BayBeeeh

"If you're walking around your house naked, you're not going to eat a cheeseburger. The less clothes you wear the more conscious you are of your body." - Marisa Miller

Newest goal, get as close to looking like ^^THAT^^ that i can. Hard work. Hard work. Hard work. Hard work.


Monday, May 17, 2010

Water Please.

Hypocrisy is the most obnoxious act. How are you supposed to learn to trust the people in your life if they can't even trust themselves enough to stick to their values and their words and their promises and be the person they claim to be? I am not excluded from this, i've had my fair share of indecisive moments where i go back and forth, but in terms of the things that matter, where the important people in my life are involved i strive to be honest and as far from a hypocrite as i can be. It's difficult of course, trying to deny your selfish nature as a person & be reliable and trustworthy so that those around you can count on you as a constant. Pleasing others is a part of who i want to be, selfishly as my own person. I want to be someone that people can count on at all times, counted on to be a nice person, counted on to be honest and fun and a good listener. A good friends and just a good person. I've realized the longer i'm alone the more myself i have become. It's not something that happens overnight & i'm not just saying that only someone who isn't in a relationship or always dating someone, isn't going to be able to find themselves either, you really might!  i have no idea, i haven't been important to someone else like that for years. I've just noticed that, when you are forced to be alone, you are forced to examine yourself. To really become YOU. Because who else do you have? So you have to love yourself, and you can't love yourself until you know who you are. The more you know who you are and only care about the good then the more people will notice that. The qualities you strive to obtain will start to show, once you stop trying to show them, once you ARE those qualities. I've really started to reevaluate the decisions i've made, or have been making, or am about to be making in my life. Are they really what i want? Are they overall good choices? Do they benefit me in the long term? Do i care about the long term? And for a while i didn't. I was all for living in the present, but the less my independence grows with this type of mindset the more frustrated i get. So as much as i love to live in the moment & for the now, i know it's going to take a hell of a lot of self control & discipline & i'm going to need to be patient. And as i write this, an opportunity jumped into my minds eye, through the form of a text message. A close friend has proposed the idea of moving to Manhattan. Another friends wants us to come along, since her boyfriend has just got into NYU & she's going to move out there to be with him. I really need to keep a very focused mindset as we plan for this move. I can't let the parties & the fun for right now, get in the way for the future ahead and the plans i could begin. Why would i continue to regress and stay in this rut when i have all the means and the opportunity once again right in front of my face. I would have to be the biggest idiot alive. My time to act like a reckless teenager have come to a close and with that realization i get to move forward. I get to start writing the next chapter, which will literally including writing chapters. My dreams, of Manhattan, of writing a book, of finding new people, they're all within my grasp, not just within my grasp but they're in my hand and i'm slowly getting ready to close my hand around them & keep them forever. What is life if not whatever i want it to be?

Get live

Thursday, May 13, 2010


Photos of people i love: 

Okay well...that's about enough for now. Comedians & musicians & fashionistas are the only people worth admiring. 

Wednesday, May 12, 2010


Sending love, peace, and prosperity to all ;)

Signed up for twitter. I decided i like social networking.
Buying a kin.
Watching Glee.
Eating Cheez-Itz.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Here We Go Again!

Oh hello hello hello you beautiful world you!! Today I think I had the best morning I have ever had. And for no particular reason. As a matter of fact, it could have easily been an awful morning. Drank quite a bit last night at a friends house & didn't get home until about 3:30 in the morning. I woke up about 5 minutes before i was supposed to leave for work, still feeling the slightly out of your mind, things aren't quite right, i can feel the headache coming kind of hangover & got ready for work in record time. Got to work & the maj dropped me off  an Einsteins bagel & some Chai. & turned on some great music and got ready for the next 8 hours of work. Sounds like a pretty average almost bad morning yes? WRONG! So wrong. For some reason this morning all i could think about was how many people i love in my life & why. I think i told like 15 different people how much i love them and why. It was fantastic. It's my new outlook on life. Everyone needs to hear how much they're appreciated and i really feel that people don't do that enough. I'm going to make sure i let people know. And it's the best reward to hear so many friends i care about letting me know that i just made their morning. When you feel this happy all you want is for everyone else around you to feel it too. That's all i want. I want everyone to feel great & do great things & be the happiest they have ever been & to laugh & love & live great lives. That's all (: And really what more do you need than that? How could you not feel amazing when you see the people you love flourishing and doing amazing things! Loving others makes me complete. Now that i fully love myself and understand myself and have a good standing, i find that i really don't care about myself as much. I mean of course i care and i take care of myself & like i said, really love myself, but what i mean is other people matter so much more. It's all i can think about!! Ah it's just making everything so wonderful. That's really all i have to say right now. I hope your life is beautiful (:


Thursday, April 22, 2010

Shadow People

Today I've been thinking about a lot of great things. About how amazing the people i know are. How messed up and crazy and lost and hopeful and happy and funny and beautiful my friends are. Every single one of them. Also, the album Shame, Shame from Dr. Dog is one of the greatest albums i have had the pleasure to hear in my lifetime. It came around with perfect timing as well. Every song is so easy to connect with. My two favorites at this point are: 
Jackie Wants A Black Eye: 

Jackie wants a black eye
Some proof that she's been hit
John wants the answers
But the questions just don't quit.

And we're sitting in the rain
and we're feeling like the weather
you could say that we're alone
but we're lonely together.

And we're all in it together now.
As we all fall apart
And we're swapping little pieces
of our broken little hearts

Jackie's jumping in the quicksand
but it isn't what you think.
She's safe cause she knows
the more you fight the more you sink

And John is following the black cloud,
to keep him from the sun
So he bends over now, 
something's finally begun. 

And we're all in it together now, 
as we all fall apart. 
And we're swapping little pieces, 
of our broken little hearts. 

And we've been hurting so long, 
that our pleasure is our pain.
Are we madly in love, 
or are we madly insane?

Yesterday's love defines you, 
and today that love is gone.
Tomorrow keeps you guessing, 
the roller coaster is rolling on. 

And we're all in it together now, 
as we all fall apart. 
And we're swapping little pieces, 
of our broken little hearts.

And we're all in it together now, 
as we all fall apart.
And we're swapping little pieces, 
of our broken little hearts. 

& My other favorite on the album would have to be Shadow People, Subrina showed me this song yesterday in the absolute perfect setting, right after a cigarette, after dark, in the car, in the pouring rain: 

The rain is falling, it's after dark. 
The streets are swimming with the sharks.
It's the right night, for the wrong company. 
There ain' t nothin' round here to look at, 
move along, move along.

The neon lights on Baltimore
every shadow's getting famous.
In someone's backyard, plastic chair
Hoping these cigarettes will save us. 
Here we go again, here we go again. 

You got rings in your ears, 
And you got kicked around and made up. 
Lookin' high, lookin' low.

Where did all the shadow people go?
Where did all the shadow people go?
I wanna know, where the shadow people go. 

I stole a bike from the second mile. 
Saw a band play in the basement. 
I crossed the path of a friend of mine, 
and i know what that look upon her face meant.
Something's gone from her eye, 
something's gone wrong. 

You could be a woman, or you could be a man, 
wear the glove on the other hand. 
Or you could be twisted, or you could be insane
Pushing the envelope against the grain. 
Just playing along, just playing along. 

And i got something on my mind. 
And i got voices on the other line. 
Saying hi, saying Hello. 

Where did all the shadow people go?
Where did all the shadow people go?

Such beautiful songs. It's impressive to find a band who can continuously make such amazing music and write such meaningful lyrics. I don't know how people can stand listening to all the crap on Top 40 Radio. It's just awful compared to the music i enjoy daily. I really hear Shadow People as one of those songs that could honestly change your life if you listen to it with an open heart and just feel it. You don't just listen, you feel the music. Which reminds me, Spencer & Brandon played a show last night, "Night of Pan". It was hilarious because they were so stoney, but really a great show. I enjoy having talented friends. I just enjoy my friends period. As i've said before, they're some of the greatest people i've had the pleasure to meet. They're all so different, but so open-minded and similar in the funniest ways. No one is just like the other and the dynamic of everyone together always makes for the best times. I'm lucky to have found good people in my life, especially when i think back to who i used to hangout with and the people i chose to surround myself with once upon a time. 

I think it's funny that i write in this blog, because it's actually i guess just like a livejournal? Not that i write in a journal. But no one reads this, cause i don't really tell anyone about it. Now that i'm thinking about that it's almost like i'm talking to myself. Which reminds me of the time i ate mushrooms with Paige & Chris at our friend Bens house. My mind was going crazy in the confusing tangent based thought process that is your mind on shrooms, when all of a sudden i went off about "If you really think about it, thinking is just like talking to yourself. You're the only one that hears it and it's not like anyone's responding but you, so everytime we think to ourselves, all we're doing is talking to ourselves." Which is totally true, you just don't seem as crazy as you do when you say things to yourself out loud. Maybe i'll just start talking to myself since clearly we all already do it anyway!


Friday, April 16, 2010

My Body's A Zombie For YOUUUU!

Hmm, I haven't done one of these in years, but i think they're pretty fun to fill out. 
Survey SAAAAYS?!:

How do you feel about fire drills?: 

Do your socks usually match?: I rarely wear socks, but when i do they're always black. 

Would you date your best friend?: Maybe if she were a dude. But we're already FB married. 

Whats your favorite weather like?: Warm & sunny during the day so you can wake up & go to the pool & lay out, then mid afternoon starts to get overcast but still warrrrrm, then rainy rainy rainy at nighttime. Again, still warm. That's the perfect weather. 

How do you determine if a band is good or not? What do you look for most?: If they just appeal to me in general, the feelings it gives you, the lyrics in the song, the story behind the song, the band/musician themselves and what the represent and stand for. There are a lot of different elements that determine whether or not i like a band. 

Are you addicted to anything? if so, what?: I am probably addicted to these: ^^^^

Whats your favorite movie genre?: Horror & Comedy.

Have you ever had an inside joke based on a quote from a movie, book, etc?: 
"Oh maaah gaawd, yo a woman?!"
"Actually...I'ma horse."
"Oh maaah gaawd, yo a horse?!"
"Actually...I'ma broom."

What do you want to do as a future career?: Photojournalism. 

If you were pregnant right now what would you do? Who would be the father?:  uuhm, I'm Pro-choice. We'll leave it at that. 

Would you rather bake or cook a meal?: Meal. Bake = Sweets = Fat.

If you could have anything in the world right now, what would it be?: A new 2010 Land Rover SE

Whats going to be the first song at your wedding?: Home by Edward Sharpe

Whats something only you think is cute/funny?: I think anything to do with cats is hysterical. 

What do you find attractive in the opp sex?: 

Do you ever compare yourself to members of the same sex?: Everyday. 

Whats the perfect snack when you want to relax?: Special K. 

Would you rather have a few friends over & order in a pizza or go out?: Go out for Pizza&Beer and THEN have friends over. 

If you could change any situation in your life what would it be? job, house: Housing. I would like to have my own house. >>

Do you listen to music while you work/study?: I listen to music all day every day. 

Describe a person you wouldn't be able to live with?: Live WITH? I wouldn't be able to live with someone messy & smelly & disrespectful who had a million obnoxious people over all the time or looked down on partying. Cause that would just be a bust. 

Whats your favorite thing to do in your spare time?: Music, Chronic, Bike, Read, Music

If you could learn the subjects you wanted to what would they be?: French, Screen Printing, A lot of subjects...

Whats a weird food only you like to eat?: Potato Pancakes

If you could relive one memory what would it be?: I don't think i've lived it yet. 

What super power do you want most of all?: I would want to be Mystique. 

Is there a celebrity that you'd be willing to have a one night stand with?: ^^^ MMM. James Franco/Daniel Desario (:

Describe the perfect concert-lineup, arena, weather, w/e?: Lineup: The Strokes, Tokyo Police Club, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Led Zeppelin & The Beatles. At Radio City Music Hall in NYC. With not TOO big of a crowd, in the summer. I would probably kill myself after cause nothing could ever beat that ever. 

Do you like family restaurants or really fancy ones?: Just whatever, as long as the food's good, which it generally isn't. I don't like going out to eat much. 

Are you more of a city person or a country person? why?: City, i get bored easily & there are a lot more options when you're in the city. 

Do you want to live in your current town the rest of your life?: Not even the rest of the year. Please. 

Whats a negative thing about your town?: Close-minded religious oppression 

A positive?: It's absolutely beautiful 

Would your rather drown to death or burn to death?: I would rather drown, i like the water & i would rather deal with the pain of suffocating until i lose consciousness than asphyxiate or die of smoke inhalation. 

How many years longer are you hoping to live?: another 10 or 20 is fine. 

What song describes your typical mood? Or your current mood?: When they fight, they fight by The Generationals. Or Breakneck Speed by Tokyo Police Club. 

If you found out today your best friend was gay what would you do?: Well we're already married i wouldn't be surprised. PSYYYCHE. that would be weird. but it's her choice i s'pose. 

Describe the perfect kiss or date.: One that means more than all the others. 

Do you have a special material item you hold sentimental value to?: Baby blanket. 

Would you ever throw a dart at a map&go where it lands if you could afford: YES!! Who wouldn't?!

Where would you hope it lands?: Portland, India, London, New Zealand, Egypt, Spain, Tokyo, ANYWHERE!!!

Do you take care of yourself or do your parents help you out financially?: I plead the fifth. 

If you could get a pet for free today-what kind/what name?: ^^^ I don't know what i would name it but i want one ):

If you won 100million dollars what would you do with it first?: I would buy an oz of weed, a brand new fully paid off Land Rover, i would pick up Paige & then tell her pick anywhere in the world you want to shop & that's where we're going. 

How many people have you slept with?: Enough. 

Does true love wait?: Who knows?!

Whats a huge turn off?: Any guy who looks like this: >>>

Do you dig people with lots of body mods?: What does that mean?

If you could pick up on any instrument what would you choose?: Banjo, or the drums. 

Any Language? ^ same question as above.: French & Portuguese!!

If you had your own business, what would it be?: I would own my own Magazine. 

Do you ever wish you had a family business to become a part of?: Newp, no i do not. 

Whats the most gruesome way you could come up with to kill someone?: Slitting all their main arteries while hanging them up somewhere & letting them bleed to death. 

Do you think anyone deserves to die that way?: Besides Lady Gaga!?! jk! No, no one does that's shitty. 

If you had to fight for survival, what would your weapon of choice be?: A machete!

Omg! zombies are attacking. where do you go, who do you find, whatta ya do?: Get a camera, zombie movies are the best!

Whats the most annoying quality in a person?: Someone who takes themselves too seriously, with no sense of humor, ignorant, and texts too much. 

What cellphone is the best in your opinion?: The kind that works. 

Do you flip your pillow over to lay on the cool/cold side?: Nope, just switch pillows if i feel the need.